My family has never been good at choosing Christmas gifts for me, but this year they reached a new low. I essentially chose all the gifts my brother was to receive, but rather than ask him what I would want my mother asked for a Christmas list from me. Knowing that a simple phrase like "a new DVD burner" would fly about as far over her head as the space shuttle, I included specific model numbers and explanations of what each item did/was. Some highlights:

• New DVD Burner to replace old 2X Pioneer DVD-R
• Better Receiver for my crappy Saturn L200
• USB Pen Drive to replace the $80 piece of crap that I lost
• Bluetooth USB Module to replace the D-Link one that died within a week of purchase and was never replaced despite its 1-year warranty.
• Games, Movies and such

This nicely researched Christmas list turned out to be useless, as everyone forgot it when they went shopping for me. Instead, they called me on my cellphone to ask questions like "what was that one thing?", and "the only one they have is $1400, am I looking at the wrong thing?". In fact, I ended up advising them where they could get the best prices on various items, and even giving them directions through the store to the proper section. I might as well have gone with them.

I can't imagine why they insist on wrapping these items and putting them under the tree, as I'll already have a good idea what's what just by looking at the relative sizes of the package. The only suprise will be whether I get the Yu-Gi-Oh! wrapping paper or the old newspaper. Merry Christmas.

• Why you'll never hear hippies bitch about Christmas from Maddox
• Inappropriate Holiday Cards from SomethingAwful

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