Why The Riverside
County Department of Environmental Health Thinks I'm An Asshole posted January 12, 2006 by
Working as the manger of a small pizza place for twenty-something
hours each weekend requires that I handle food a lot. Though we're
in violation of dozens of health, safety, and labor codes and regulations,
my boss has decided that making me get a food handler's certificate
would be the best way to pass our upcoming inspection.
In Riverside County, getting one of these nifty
business-card sized is painfully easy. The Department of Environmental
Health administers a fifty question test to anyone with $15 cash.
The crowd was mostly a mixture of the English-challenged and teenage
girls who probably got their jobs by means of skin tight tank tops
and undersized mini skirts.
I found myself in line behind a slightly-less-than-middle-aged
foreigner who had already completed the exam. The blonde beaurecrat
behind the window feigned excitement when he only missed 3 of the
50 questions (You can miss up to 15). The man smiled and in what
almost resembled English said "I'm the manager". "Good
for you", replied the bureaucrat in a tone reminiscent of my
kindergarten teacher. There were a few chuckles, but nobody outright
laughed at the man.
I filled out my test within 5-10 minutes and returned
to find the same group of scantily clad teenagers and ESL students.
As the bureaucrat marked "-1" on my exam, I remembered
the earlier manager and in the most sarcastic tone I could find
said: "I'm the manager too". A deafening silence filled
the room and the bureaucrat, seemingly frightened at her inability
to tell me I was an asshole, gave me a scared little smile and shot
a sarcastic "It certainly shows" back at me. The rest
of the room just stared as I walked out the door.
The test itself was just as amusing as the events
that transpired following it. Here's a sample of some of the questions:
